Penguin's Christmas Carol
by Heroic-Alliance
Summary: Gather round, DC fans, for an ice cold take on a Dickens classic. Normally Batman is Scrooge, but since Penguin has a top hat and loves his money, I wanted Penguin to be Scrooge.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, boys and girls, I'm John, one of the Penguin's henchmen. As you can see, I am reading a book in front of this here fireplace. In this book is how my boss, The Penguin, learned the true meaning of Christmas. Without further ado, let's dive right in, shall we?

Our story begins in the Iceberg Lounge, where the Penguin had an announcement.

"Mr. Two-Face, you have been a great ally, so I have a special task for you." said the Penguin.

"What is it?" Two Face asked.

"I want you to guard the Lounge and watch for the Batman." Penguin answered.

"But it's Christmas, no one is going to be here on Christmas, not even Batman!" Two face protested.

"Christmas?" Penguin commented. "Bah! I haven't had a Christmas since forever, so Christmas or no Christmas, you stay at the Lounge!"

"But I need my family!" Two-Face told the crazed bird man.

"I don't have a family, but you don't see me crying." Penguin lectured. "Good day, sir!"

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Chapter 2

Later that night, Penguin was back at the Cobblepot Mansion, took off his super villian clothes, put on his night gown, and went to bed. There was a mysterious fog that creeped into the bedroom. In the midst of the fog was Tracey Buxton, shackled in chains.

"Tracey, what are you doing here?" Penguin questioned. "Why are you tied up in chains?"

"Each of these chain links represents each of my misdeeds." Tracey explained. "When that clock strikes midnight, three ghosts will visit you, helping you to be a good person. You must obey them at all costs, and if you don't obey them, your chains will be as twice as heavy as mine." Tracey vanished and Penguin went to sleep. The clock struck midnight, and Penguin heard a purr coming from behind the door.

"Who goes there?" Penguin said, shocked as he woke up. Catwoman appeared at the door, in her usual catsuit.

"I am the Ghost of Christmas Past." Catwoman explained. "Come with me, hun, we need to explore your background on why you lack Christmas Spirit and see the error of your ways." Catwoman showed Penguin a vision of his childhood, growing up raised by the Gotham Mob.

"Hey, there's my adopted parents!" Penguin said.

"They cannot hear you, and they cannot see you." Catwoman explained. A young Oswald Cobblepot had received a gift on Christmas, and opened it. It was a severed parrot head with a note:

_"Dear Oswald "Penguin" Cobblepot,_

_I killed your prized parrot as a warning to pay what you owe to the Falcone Family. If you do not pay your dues to the family, it won't be the parrot. It will be you. _

_Sincerely, _

_Carmine Falcone_

"Perhaps this wasn't a good Christmas to show." Catwoman said.

"No, this is what all my Christmases were, some rival family leaves me death threats under the tree, whether it be about my weight, my height, or some mob business." Penguin explained.

"Well then, I cannot help you anymore." Catwoman told the Penguin. She vanished, along with the vision, and Penguin was back in bed.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. Chapter 3

Penguin was fast asleep, while noticing a plant vine creeped over him, and slapped him. Penguin woke up.

"Wha! What the devil?" Penguin croaked, looking shocked. He went into the mansion's dining hall, seeing it overgrown with plant vines. There were steaks, turkeys, ham, ribs, and even chicken wings all laid out on the table. All of it was meat. No vegetables, no grains, not even desserts like cookies or cakes. In the center of it, stood a beautiful woman in a green dress who had red hair, sitting upon a botanical throne with a large Venus Flytrap by her side, that seemed to move like an animal rather than a plant. The woman was Poison Ivy.

"What the hell is all this?" Penguin questioned. "Who are you, prey tale?"

"I am The Ghost of Christmas Present." Poison Ivy said. "Come take my vines, I will show you the magnitude of what you have done to my dear Two Face..." Penguin grabbed the vines off the throne, and saw a vision of what Two Face was doing guarding the lounge. Two Face was sitting at a table, playing with an ornament. Tears were rolling down his eyes, especially on the disfigured half of his face. He began to sing _Where Are You Christmas _in a sad and depressing tone. Two Face bent over the table and cried.

"Two Face, I'm sorry for what I did..." Penguin said.

"We are to be unseen and unheard, so he cannot hear you." Ivy told the bird man. "However, you should have let him go on Christmas."

"But the Batman may strike this time of year!" Penguin complained.

"Batman has a family now." Ivy corrected. "There is Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing, and more that I do not want to name right now, but still, they celebrate Christmas together."

"Look lady, I thought Batman worked round the clock, you got to believe me..."

Ivy vanished. A shadowy figure with a hood walked up to the Penguin, laughing in a female Brooklyn accent, slowly approaching Penguin.

"You must be the third spirit, the spirit of things that have not happened but will happened, the spirit of Christmas yet to come..." Penguin uttered, as he was frightened.

"That's right, it's your girl Harley Quinn!" Harley took off her hood, revealing her punk rock blonde pigtail haircut with red and blue highlights, a red diamond studded leather jacket, a white crop top, and some navy blue tights with some red punk boots.

"Are you the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come or a damn prostitute?" Penguin asked. "If you were the later I would recruit you to my gang..." Harley whacked Penguin with her hammer.

"Quiet, you pervert!" Harley snapped. "I am here to show you what you will become if you do not change your ways." Harley dragged the bird man to the future, seeing what will become of him.

TO BE CONCLUDED...


	4. Chapter 4

Harley took Penguin to the future, seeing a vision of what will happen if he did not change his ways. Two Face, wearing a red suit, black shirt and red tie, was sitting on a desk at the main office of the Iceberg Lounge, and Penguin came to it.

"Welcome to the Winter/Summer Lounge, formerly known as the Iceberg Lounge." Two Face said.

"But I owned the place!" Penguin complained.

"I bought it, since you left me in the lounge for so long." Two Face explained. "Now make me a cranberry martini along with two Two Face Burgers, half normal bun half black bun."

"But that will get you sick!" Penguin uttered. "I can't do it!"

"Someone's not playing ball." Two Face mentioned. "Whip him, Lion Tamer!" The Red Triangle lion tamer whipped Penguin, spanking his fat body with her whip a la mode 12 Years a Slave, leaving whip scars on his back.

"STRIKE HIM!" The lion tamer whipped at him, striking at him.

"So, Two Face owns the Lounge and the Red Triangle Gang if I don't change my ways?" Penguin asked Harley.

"Yes." Harley told the bird man. "He owns all of your casinos, he owns your safehouse, and he leaves you with nothing, and you were forced to work for him in your own establishment."

"NO!" Penguin cried. "NOOOO!" He bent over, as tears rolled down his eyes.

"Spirit please, I will do good, I promise! I will embrace the spirit of Christmas all year, I will stand for all that is holy, I will even give up my gang and my entire life of crime, just please spare me!" Penguin cried and screamed, and was seen crying and screaming in his bed. He realized it was all a dream. He woke up, put on his clothes, and went outside, as Riddler was walking by.

"Riddler what day is it?" Penguin asked.

"It's Wednesday." Riddler answered.

"No, the occasion." Penguin explained.

"It's Christmas!" Riddler said.

"I haven't missed it, yes, I haven't missed it!" Penguin walked and saw the Joker across the street.

"You there!" Penguin called. He threw a silenced pistol to the Joker.

"I want you to take this, go out to the wilds, and find the biggest turkey, shoot it, and deliver it to Harvey Dent."

"Thanks, I would enjoy cutting it open later." The Joker told Penguin. Penguin made it to the Iceberg Lounge, and reached Two Face.

"Two Face!" Penguin snapped.

"What..." Two Face asked.

"I want to apologize for making you watch for the Batman on Christmas Eve." Penguin said.

"What do you want to do now?" Two Face mentioned.

"I will announce that I am selling the Lounge to you, and retiring from my life of crime in favor of working with Batman and becoming a member of the Bat Family." Penguin announced.

"You what?" Two Face asked.

"Congrats, you now own the Red Triangle Gang, several casinos, about a few crack dens, and the Iceberg Lounge, meaning you are the heir to the Cobblepot Crown." Penguin gave Two Face the deed to the Iceberg Lounge, because he didn't want it anymore.

"Oswald, you don't have to do this!" Two Face uttered.

"Being the bad guy is fun and all, but being the good guy is far more rewarding." Penguin replied. "You are the new secondary adversary to Batman, I am one of his allies now, and good day!" Penguin walked out of the Iceberg Lounge, out on his limo.

In the Wayne Manor, while Bruce, Damian, Dick, Jason, Selina, Tim, Barbara, Stephane, Kate, and Helena were having their Christmas feast, there was a knock at the door. Bruce answered it.

"Oswald, what are you doing here?" Bruce asked.

"I am here, turning over a new leaf." Oswald answered. "Bats and Birds are two sides of the same coin, both are flying animals, and you got several other birds in there, so how about we continue the tradition?"

"Seems appropriate." Bruce replied. "Oswald Cobblepot, welcome to the Bat Family."

"You sure he's not fooling us, Mr. Wayne?" Damian asked. Alfred noticed Oswald had entered passing by.

"He seems to be telling the truth." Alfred mentioned. "I checked his arms and there is no pulse, so all seems to be good. And besides, it's Christmas, so let him join."

"All in favor, raise your hands." Bruce announced to the table. Everyone in the family raised their hands, except Selina.

"If he's going to physically abuse me like in the old days, I will make sure that he never sees this big blue world again." Selina mentioned.

"You were one of the Ghosts of Christmas that I saw in my dream, I would never do that." Oswald told Selina.

"Thanks, I am glad to hear that." Selina said. "Enough with this soap opera nonsense and let's dig in!"

"God bless us, every one!" said Damian. The camera zoomed out as the snow was falling over Wayne manor. This is where I close the book and wish all of you a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, a Happy Kwanzaa, or whatever holiday you happen to celebrate, I do not care. So overall, Happy Holidays to you all and to all a good night!

Author's Note: This is probably my last fanfic of 2019, and possibly the whole 2010s. I can't believe I came this far since I started in 2012! Thank you for sticking by me this whole time, and hope to start off new in the new decade, and a farewell to the 2010s, and get ready for the flying cars and the teleport pads of the 2020s! See you then!


End file.
